Current Thoughts....

Life is going great. I'm excited (and a little scared but in a good way) about the new opportunities coming soon, what more could I ask for?! The truth of the matter is, I'm ready to start a family. Sounds easy enough right? Wrong! I'm single, I'll be 32 in 3 weeks and I have absolutely NO prospects!!!! This is not how I pictured my life waaaaay back when. When I thought I'd be a mommy by 30 and at least in a committed relationship. Of course I knew back then marriage was not on my menu. Now I'm at the age where I want to start my family which brings me to my current state of mind....a back-up plan....scratch that, my plan. Since I'm single and not mingling, the plan is more of a this is my goal and whatever or whoever happens, it'll still be set in motion. Confused?! Let me clear it up. Since there's no partner to consider, my plan consists of researching all (and I do mean ALL) methods of having a baby. Adoption, in-vitro, surrogate (although that will be a LAST effort...almost non-existent). I'm not like most women, I actually want to go through the process from conception to delivery. My issue?! I need a man!!!! What's a girl to do in this situation? Well I did the one thing I knew to do...I called my friend Thomas. PAUSE...So he and I have known each other almost 20 years. We have a weird and I do mean weird relationship. I love him & he knows it but it's best we just be friends. We've cut the benefits although it was SO damn HARD last summer when we went to dinner. I could just picture us in the back seat of that damn Charger (don't look at me like that, I was ready!) doing all kinds of things the birds & bees would be so embarrassed by! PLAY...So I asked and he basically said no. I can't wait until you get your stuff together. Hell you might be in a serious relationship then I'll be out of gas and even more pissed. I could ask....no that wouldn't work. As y0u can see I'm still trying to figure this thing out. Lola said she doesn't care if we have children or not. Ok, but I want some...well 2. I'm all over the place right now. I know if I pay it no mind it will happen....I'm just so ready. I don't have much time. I refuse to be 45 and my child is 2 or 3. I don't want that. I need to get a grip and let nature take it's course. My plan is still in motion. If by 35 I have no children, adoption it is! *biting nails* Oh wow! What am I going to do?!