Over the past year, my immediate family as gone through some changes. My mother, best-friend, confidant, accountant, attorney, executor, spiritual leader and therapist passed away. To say my sister & I were unprepared is an under-statement. While I had a feeling something life-altering was about to take place, I was not fully prepared. As it happened, I instantly went from being a big sister with the support of a mother raising a younger sister to mom....INSTANTLY!!! Here I was making decisions for my mother's final resting place and taking care of a sister AND father. In that moment I realized that Lola & I depended upon each other for moral, physical and spiritual support, she was the sole provider for Baby & my father. Settling Lola's estate was easier than I realized. A couple of phone calls, meetings with her attorney and I was done. Simple. Now the challenging task came....living without her.
I absolutely love my friends. They have no idea how much of a support system they have been to me. Days when I just wanted to sit and cry, days when all I did was sit and cry. Moments when I wanted to call Lola and had to stop and catch myself. Instances where I would be someplace and hear, see or smell something that reminds me of her and I just want to call her. They became a welcome distraction from all of my thoughts and emotions. I so appreciate them and pray to repay my debt of gratitude.
Fast forward and I get a call from a person I had known for a few years. Conversations commence (we'll save that for later) and suffice it to say, we start dating. Things were going good...and well let's just say we have no communication at all anymore. The only thing that pissed me off about it was the fact that I had become totally dependent on her. Just for everyday things like 'I just wanted to tell you how my day went' or 'It's weird not hearing my phone ring at the crack of dawn everyday. Thank you for filling that void'. Be that as it may I can't wallow in that space. I have too much to do...
As for my Babygirl, she has come a long way and when I say I am SUPER proud of her I mean it!!!!! She graduated with her AA and is now a Junior at Virginia State University #GoTrojans!!!!!!! She has accomplished so much and I know Lola is super proud just like me.She's 23 but she'll always be my first born. I've been taking care of her since she was 15 days old and she came home. We argue, fuss and fight but after it's all said and done, she's my Baby and nothing or no one will ever change that.
I decided to use this space to write about my journey as a Smom (that's sister/mom). I thought I was prepared for children but this journey has 'tightened me up' a bit.
I'll share stories....most of them will make you laugh....some may make you cry. Just know I'm experiencing the same thing.
Til we meet again....
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