Can you just get over it?!

Last Saturday was graduation at my alma mater and so I went to support my Sorors. Afterwards, we always congregate and sing songs to commemorate their accomplishments. On this day, I happened to look over and see someone who I attended school with but had not seen in years. She and I didn't end our last conversation on a positive note and she was with people whom I don't associate with at all....on ANY level. I dismissed the thought and kept on moving. Later on, I noticed I had received a text message from someone. I read it; low & behold it was the girl I had gone to school with. First thought....this is so suspicious. Just what the hell does she have to say? Ok, just read it and if you choose, respond...or don't. Seems genuine but I still have my doubts; I mean you are the company you keep. Ok let's play it cool. Hello. You saw me? At graduation? Still not really sure but let's see. Alright, you seem to have grown up and moved on. How on earth did you get my number? Are you FREAKIN kidding me?! Wow, I'm speechless. Moving along...The conversation continued. Later on that night I had some drama and was dealing with it when my phone rang unknown. Of course I answer because I believe it's the person I've been calling. Wrong! At this point I'm pissed because you've called my phone not to mention I'm the deep throes of some major issues and you call with drama! Fast forward to Monday and I'm still dealing with my issues. I get a phone call and by now I am pissed to high heaven! So naturally I go back to the person who was initiator. As polite as possible I let her know I can't do it. I hear you saying your intentions were good however all of this back and forth, I can't and won't do it. Thank you goodbye. Moments later my phone rings and she wants to discuss the message. That's fine, let's discuss it. At the end of the conversation I was still a little hesitant about allowing her back into my life as a friend. Over the past couple of years I've trusted those not in my inner circle less and less and just kept to myself. Somehow because of one person my name is always involved in some drama. When do you grow up? When do you say enough is enough? We don't talk in at all yet and still you still find ways and come up with gimmicks to contact me! It's over and done with. As I started writing this entry my question was when do people grow up and move on. I just received some words of encouragement that states, 'Your expectation of people should never be too high. People do what they want, not what you would like. Little expectations = less disappointments." Well hot damn, I have my answer! That's my truth...

What I've Learned

This morning I was having a conversation with J & we were discussing her upcoming graduation on Saturday. Some how or another, the conversation turned to the drama unfolding. One thing that we both agreed on was how much we have changed since crossing those burning sands. At that moment I realized something...we all have changed. Now albeit some have not as of yet, the majority of us have. Some view change as being bad or uncalled for however when you take a closer look, it's not bad at all. I can honestly say since spring 2002, I have become a different person and I love it! My matriculation did not end once I walked across that stage with my degree in my right hand; at that very moment it begun. Here I was closing one chapter in my life only to start a new one. Yes there have been bumps in the road but I wouldn't change anything about my experience. I oftentimes run across people who just seem to be sitting stagnant and are okay with not moving. I've come to realize why. They feel as though their life has changed and they continue to matriculate. Totally fine with me but my question to them is, have you taken yourself outside yourself? Have you done a survey of your life thus far? We live in an age where so much of ourselves is accessible to everyone. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. It can be good because it'll give you an opportunity to step outside yourself and view your life as others view it. It becomes bad when we constantly use these entities to display our lives as if this is an exhibit. Please don't misconstrue anything I'm about to say, I am a Social Network JUNKIE!!!! I love all things social. But these displays of ignorance on the networks are getting out of control! When will adults realize Face Book does not want to know how much you hate your ex's new squeeze. Twitter doesn't care how much you dislike someone you see everyday nor do they want to read the two of you going back and forth like kids on the school-yard. Is this what we've become? A society that doesn't handle issues like 2 people should, by engaging in those heart-to-heart conversation. What if these great networks didn't exist, then how would you handle the situation? I personally am afraid of what's next. I will tell you what I've learned. I've learned that change is inevitable and needed. Being in this space today and being afforded the opportunities I have had did not happen just because I live and breathe air. It happened not only because I have changed and will continue to change and with those changes comes growth...

Proposed Merger of Southern University with White Institution Faces Stiff Opposition | The Afro-American Newspapers | Your Community. Your History. Your News.

Proposed Merger of Southern University with White Institution Faces Stiff Opposition The Afro-American Newspapers Your Community. Your History. Your News.

Women's History Month

So while writing in tumblr, I was thinking of the importance of praising our women. Women have shaped and molded the society for centuries. They've built & ruled monarchies, fought for freedom & equality among the masses and of course raised the children of the world. I for one have so much appreciation for women of the world. I hope to one day join the ranks of mothers & continue to fight for years to come.

Women have given me so many invaluable lessons. I was reminiscing about the women in my life and for the most part they all have one thing in common; they are all plus-sized divas. Now don't get it twisted, I am all for healthy people. But these women made me feel good about my body & let me know if there was something I didn't like, change it. This has brought me to my journey now. I have realized I do not like the current state I'm in and therefore have decided to do something about it. So this women's history month not only will I focus on the accomplishment of women everywhere I will also ensure women everywhere continue to become healthy so that we can carry on the legacy of the great women before us.

I'll admit it...

So a maybe about a week ago one of the many twitter apps out there was suspended. Of course it's the one I use. At first I thought, no problem it'll be up and running before the end of the day. I was so wrong. Sooo that left me no choice but to download the app specifically for my phone. As I used it, I realized just how much I use social networks. I was having a real fit because my FAVOURITE app was not working!!!!!! I was telling Lola about it and she said, are you kidding me?! You're upset because you can't tweet?! At that moment I realized, I'm a social network junkie. Facebook has taken a back seat to my new found networks. So I was thinking, why am I such a social junkie? I wasn't like this growing up, what happened? So far the only answer I've come up with is, it's my way of staying informed and abreast. It's real-time news....as it happens. What can get better than that. I mean I don't write about anything in particular (although fashion & entertainment interest me). What else could it be. Well I just like being able to stay in touch with the world. Oftentimes I find myself (especially living in SoFla) out of the loop on everything and not being able to put my 22 cents in. This gives me the perfect outlet. Here goes. Hi my name is Suhailah and I'm a social network junkie....and proud of it!

Random Thoughts

So Lola and I were having a conversation last night as we always do and the topic of what's going on in our lives came up. She made a statement that I thought was dead-on right. She said she has a feeling of unsettling and I asked what could she possibly be unsettled about. To my surprise she stated the relationship with my father. Now I'm not against their relationship nor do I say anything negative about it. I did however ask what the problem was. While she was talking I began to reflect upon my own feelings. It became crystal clear that I feel as though I'm not doing what I had hoped to be doing by this age. I feel that now is the time for be to be settling into a career that I'll have for the next 25-30 years. So what to do? First, I'm going to finish my graduate degree and then begin Law School....full time! I'm so ready to leave South Florida and go North. This is step one in that journey...

Introducing...

Hey blog city! So while eating lunch today, I thought why not start a blog. My next thought was what the hell can I blog about. Well I decided to blog about my life....at it's current state. I have to admit I've never been one to blog. However, while watching Julie & Julia, I decided it seemed like something pretty cool. So here I go...

I'm a 30 year-old NA/AA female from the City of Wind. I currently reside in South Florida...and I am not happy. I moved back here 4 almost 5 years ago and everyday I stay I feel as though I'll be here forever!!!!! Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends here and will miss them dearly. It's just this is NOT the place for me. I LOVE the North and all it has to offer. I miss the culture, the vibrancy and the eclectic nature of it all. Granted moving back to Chicago is not an option....for now. I have my sights set on the DMV. I've visited and I absolutely adored it! The city reminded me so much of Chicago yet it was so different at the same time. Call me a gypsy or nomad (trust I've been called that) but I just love experiencing different cities and have no qualms about moving.

So for a bit of background. I'm the oldest of 2, my little sister just turned 20 yesterday. For almost 11 years before she came, it was just me and my Lola. She's my mommy and daddy and for a while my sibling. I love her sooooo much and I want to be just like her as I grow up. My sister and I did go through the usual sibling rivalry. This was AFTER I had pretty much raised her. Nana died 4 months after Sissy (my sister) was born and Lola took it ROUGH! I instantly became Mommy. Changing diapers, grocery shopping, prepping bottles & baby bags, doing laundry became a constant in my life. Dealing with the death of a grandparent, puberty and a new school was rough on me but through my faith, I can honestly say I made it! Lola got better and I was excited to go back to being a kid again.

Fast forward, I'm now in high school. So let me take you back. Lola has always been a teacher/tutor of some sort. So there's this young man, 2 years younger than I. When I say I could NOT stand him!!!! OMG he was like a freakin tick!!!!! Here I am JUST getting used to the idea of having to share her with someone who does NOT go home and here he comes. WOW mommy! I soon learned life is funny. Now keep in mind I've never laid eyes on this specimen....oh but when I did. HONEY!!!!!! Instantly fell in love. You couldn't tell me isht. This was what I wanted. To this day I cannot begin to express what my mind was going through at 13 but I will say this, he was and still is the ONLY man I have ever been in love with. Which brings me to today. So after visiting home last week, I keep reflecting on the conversation we had last week at dinner. Talk about a change...make that a 180 degree change! I could whip his ex-fiance's ass!!!!!!!! All I kept saying that night and keep saying to this very day, what in the hell did she do to my baby?! *pause* So let's get this straight. I love women. Always have. HE is the ONLY man I would EVER marry. Sounds confusing I know but hey, it's me! I know it's because we've known each other 20 years and I feel comfortable (I have no clue why) around him. He makes me feel safe. He knows how I feel and I've told him that if he were a girl, we'd be married. *play* So i'm sitting in the car lookin him dead in his eye and all I could do was shake my daggon head! I wanted to go and find ole girl and whip the livin crap outta her! I know we all experience things in life that changes us but damn I was so NOT ready for this. This is supposed to be the father of our children (yea he's not baby daddy material). I've already planted that seed, trust me! Part of me is like just forget about it and move on and the other part is not allowing me to let go. This would be so much easier if he would just communicate with me on a regular...